Don't look if your squeamish, but this momentous occasion has to be reported. Today December 1st 2008 the longest hunt of my life was successfully concluded. I am over joyed, the gopher I've been chasing for 6 months finally was bagged. His cunning and under grounds ways were finally no match for a simply superb plan of attack. Previously hunting and poisoning methods failed miserably, I often heard him laugh at my attempts to get him. Yesterday was different, I was outside hanging Christmas lights so I decided to start watching the new gopher diggings as I worked. On one of my checks to the bombed out looking area of my garden I noticed fresh dirt around one of the gopher craters. Now was my chance! I scrambled to find the gopher trap, I quietly dug the new dirt away from the crater and skillfully placed the trap in the newly created gopher freeway, then being ever so steathly(like a cat on the stalk) I retreated from the area. I resumed my light hanging duties for a while to let my plan work. After the lights were hung it was time to see if I had been foiled again or perhap, just perhaps might have met with success.
EUREKA!! Upon checking the trap I could tell it had been sprung, so I tried to pull it out of the burrow, but it wouldn't budge. I then got my shovel for a weapon just incase I had just given him a flesh wound, there are few things more dangerous than a wounded angry gopher. I slowly started to dig down around the sprung trap,( this is getting pretty suspenseful ). ALAS!! He emerged, lifeless and partially disembowed by the vicious tynes of the trap. Don't get all teary here, this was victory at its best, the sense of accomplishment, and the shear size of my prey were very impressive. You will soon see my name in the Boone and Crocket record book. Here are his measurements.
Weight: A very heafty 8 Ounces
Length: An Amazing 6 inches, Nose to tail
Claw Length: .25 inches
Teeth Length: .33 inches
Girth: 3 inches
Sex: Not sure, Just hope he was gay so there are no prodgeny.
CADDY SHACK MAN EAT YOUR HEART OUT!